The patriots in the U.S. House of Representatives have chosen to extend the vital Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act (FISA). This wise decision will allow the Webcomic Police to continue to listen in to phone calls, read personal correspondence, and monitor online activities -- all without having to undergo the tedious process of obtaining a warrant.
While the primary targets of our surveillance are foreign agents, these measures extend to Americans who communicate with someone who's suspected of being affiliated with a target group. Some members of the webcomics community have claimed that this violates their Fourth Amendment rights; however, it's impossible that the Founding Fathers could've foreseen the dangers posed by hosting comics on the Internet. It's also important to keep in mind that our surveillance methods are only intended to monitor and record the conversations of suspected foreign cyberterrorists. If on the other end of the international conversation's an American, we can't allow that fact to prevent us from doing what's necessary to keep our country safe.
In the past, some members of the U.S. Senate have questioned the Director of National Intelligence's authority to issue wiretaps on American citizens without a warrant. We're sure you agree with us that these criticisms only serve to distract from our legitimate security efforts and further expose our nation's vulnerabilities to our enemies. We're also aware that some members of the Comic Genesis, Drunk Duck, and Smack Jeeves webcomics communities, along with other extremist groups, plan to challenge the constitutionality of FISA later this fall. We expect the Supreme Court to swiftly dismiss the complaints of these cyberterrorist sympathizers.
We know that we can count on you, concerned citizen, to stand by our side as we boldly confront the dangers of the 21st century. We're confident that a bright future awaits us, in which men, women, and children around the world will be unafraid to type the word "webcomics" in a Google search.
We have control. We keep you safe. We are your hope.